


Jealousy

by jujubiest



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/F, Gen, Headcanon, Jealousy, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:39:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6666238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujubiest/pseuds/jujubiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jealousy: an ugly emotion in half a dozen beautiful colors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I had on tumblr ages ago that a few people requested to see more of. I have John's, and Harold and Root's are in progress. I'll post them as I have time to work on them.

When Reese gets jealous, it’s blue. Melancholy acceptance. Seeing what he perceives to be a more worthy recipient of his beloved’s affections, he steps aside into the role of friend, protector, confidant with perfect ease and without an ounce of fight. Convinced he is not deserving of anyone’s love or trust, he readily relinquishes both with a sad kind of relief, and never shows how cold it leaves him.

He does it the first time with Jessica, because he’s a soldier and he’s on his way, he’s almost certain, to becoming something much darker, much worse. He’s not even sure he could share a bed with another person anymore, not sure he could un-knot himself and close his eyes and sleep the undisturbed sleep of the civilian with someone beloved in his arms, safe and at peace. He barely remembers what that feels like. But Peter is a civilian, Peter is a regular guy, and Jessica looked happy until the moment she saw _him_. So he doesn’t ask for what he wants, at least not where she can hear him. But he won’t forget her, either.

He does it again, later, with Finch. Or he tries to. From the moment he learns about Grace, he tries to take a step back. Harold is a gentle person, at his core, and he deserves a gentle love. If he can’t have it in the present, John supposes the least he can do is not interrupt the memory of it with his own selfish, wishful thinking.

Of course, letting go of Harold is a lot harder when they’re working side by side every single day. When the man’s voice is always in his ear, always calling out with baited breath, “Mr. Reese, are you alright?”

With Jessica, he was a world away both literally and figuratively, far enough from anything to do with her and with their time together that it was almost easy to reduce his fierce, protective love of her down to a quiet ache, not gone but barely felt, and only when he let himself.

How does he set aside these feelings for Harold when they share so much? From something as insignificant as breakfast to their very lives’ purpose. Hell, they even share custody of the damn dog, and he _loves_ it. He hordes each moment of domestic interaction in his memory, saving them against the inevitable day it all changes. 

And when that day comes, he still isn’t ready for the crash of reality when Finch disappears without a word, the cold that seeps into his bones when he finds him again only to hear him say that she–that Grace–is the only thing that matters.

He knew that already. He should never have let himself forget it.


End file.
